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Sunday, May 22, 2016

Of a journal

While it might be considered a mortal ill to some, I don't keep old journals around. I toss 'em like last Tuesday's leftovers. Know why? Because I hate to see the person I used to be...I know that sound awful and hard, but really - been there, done that, got the t-shirt and moving on. And I don't like clutter or boxes full of old notebooks that I'd be embarrassed for someone to read.

But sometime in the last few years, things shifted in my journals. The "I think", "I feel", "all about me-itus" that always left a bad taste in my mouth when perchance reading on old entry became more "I pray..."

And writing my prayers has been a great thing for me -- because I sure can't keep up with my train of thought if I can't see it. And this year, I've jumped on the scripture writing bandwagon. And flipping through a journal filled with {answered!} prayers and segments of scripture is a happy thing.

Now, I'm a ONE notebook/journal girl. I can't deal with a book for this and one over here for that. I've GOT to keep it simple. So, my journals with prayers and scripture also come with recipes and to-do lists and addresses and ideas and goals and meal plans. It's all mishmash in there, with handlettering practice scrawled across one page and the children's artistic endeavors, and yet it's like a little portion of my brain. There may indeed be forty things going on, but their my goings on, and I like them.

I do a lot less reflecting on life and a lot more actively living it these days. My journals evidence that. I do think some personal reflection is beneficial, but I don't have time for it much now. I do have time to think and plan and pray - and to live more in the present, than mulling over and recording what's already happened.

By the time all of the pages are filled, my catch-all notebooks are usually thoroughly worse for wear. But they've done their duty faithfully. As I picked up a journal from earlier this year tonight, I smiled to see it all. I'm not ashamed to reread anything there. I probably still won't keep it very long. I'll flip through and rewrite the recipes and other such tidbits in a more permanent place, and then -so long little journal, you've served me well.

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